Objects of Desire || Stocking Stuffers

 

We know we’re probably tempting fate by extending a warm hand of welcome to a season that has shown absolutely no sign of coming to the party. But hell, we’re gonna do it anyway. We’re crazy like that. And, while it seems to be all doom and gloom coming from the prophets over at the BOM, we at ANGLE are always the eternal optimists and hold every confidence in our old friend Summer returning to lengthen our days and darken our skins. So this season preview, though a little premature, is a gift to all our lovely friends to help remind ya’ll that those sleigh bells are a’jingling and before you know it the jolly old man will be creeping through your home, drinking your beer and stealing your carrots. So best you be prepared!

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Objects of Desire: Stocking Stuffers
Christmas; oh the excitement, of the joy, oh the shit … it’s Christmas Eve and I’m still lacking in 98% of my shopping list. Don’t be that fool aimlessly meandering through Chadtone at 3.28am on the 23rd of December, bleary eyed and dropping far more on gifts than you’d anticipated spending because, well where the hell did the time go? Because we’re such good guys, and basically because there’s nothing more rewarding than vicariously spending someone else’s dosh, we’ve curated a list of stocking stuffers that will be sure to have you on everyones “nice list” next year.

1 – Something for that pal who has it all? Create some personalised kicks.
Pandering to our need to be a “truly unique soul” – only in this case it’s more like a unique “sole” – Nike has gone ahead and created the ultimate platform for us to express our narcissistic desires. An online creativity hub, where you can take your favourite styled sneakers and make them wholly your own, NikeID is the ideal gift for that special someone we all have in our lives who likes to let the world know that they are a special little flower. Get creating here

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2 – For those in our lives who’ve been around from the beginning.
Reminisce how rad the early 90’s were by reliving the glory days with Nintendo’s best reimagined.
There’s little we want to remember from the 90’s. Between “those” Oakleigh sunglasses, No Fear T’Shirts and velcro wallets, we’re hard pressed to get nostalgic without grimacing at the same time. Yet, regardless of how ridiculous we looked, scooting around town on a skateboard flicking our undercut against the wind, we still had what is unquestionably history’s greatest gift to technology; the NES or, as we simply knew it, ‘The Nintendo’.

Life was simpler back then. Entertainment came in the form of hours spent standing before the mini TV your parents had shifted into the “games room”. A simple grey console with a rectangle controller that had minimal buttons and another controller that took the form of a pistol and was bloody useless unless you felt like shooting a duck and, of course, who could forget the countless games strewn all over the floor in a mindless rampage to find Mario, because let’s be honest, there’s nothing like jumping on the head of an evil little mushroom. Ah, they were the days. After school hangs, weekend gaming marathons, your parents screaming at you to get outside and “be a kid”. What you wouldn’t give to do it all over again hey? Well, thanks to those childhood gods, Nintendo, you can – without the dreaded fear of accidentally losing your whole game by accidentally hitting the feared “reset button”.

The classic NES is back, replete with original replica controllers, games and console – only this time its been given a lick of paint. Plug this mini beast directly into a high-definition TV using the included HDMI cable and you and a pal can get warring over the 30 plus retro NES games that come built-in; including classics like Super Mario Bros., The Legend of Zelda, Metroid, Donkey Kong, PAC-MAN and Kirby’s Adventure. Stuff someone’s stocking with this baby here

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3 – For the friend who loves to play games
Got a friend who’s a little on the competitive side? He’s usually the one always boasting the most recent gadget long before us meagre humans discover it in Myer, a good six months after he’s already archived it. He upgrades his lady friends quicker than you upgrade your jocks and he’s always the most hospitable of the group, charming your wife, your parents, hell even your baby coos when he looks into the pram. Those friends, there’s only one thing that will truly satisfy their thirst at Christmas, the opportunity to win. So why not pander to their desire and let them battle it out in style with a very, very sexy ping-pong set from Rio de Janeiro’s class crew, Frescobol Carioca. And, side bonus, when they see you pull out the Mr Porter gift box, you might just get to see a fleeting moment of defeat in his eyes. Did someone just out gift him? Game and set. Shop for the win here

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4 – Change someone’s life and make the world a better place at the same time 
Argh, we might all be guilty of this one too, but some Northern-Euro whiz kids have spent a few years delving into the deepest crevices of our tech-consciousness and discovered what we perhaps deep-down already suspected: we are all addicted to our phones. And not just a little, oh I’d like to have my phone on me incase I break down and need to call the RACV kinda dependancy, but hardcore they should probably create some sort of epipen like device to be administered if, god forbid, we realise we have left our phone at home when we get to the office. What these little tech-geek psychologists have discovered, is that we are SO addicted to our phones that simply not being able to tangibly feel our device on our body, induces a level of anxiety that correlates with a trip to the dentist. Having your tooth drilled into by some white-coated mouth-demon and not being able to check Facey? Sure, we can see the parallels.

In a bid to help ween us from the lure of our devices, these same tech-therapists have turned innovative-gurus and created what they foresee as a “cure” to our addictive little personalities: the NoPhone. Designed to eliminate your smartphone compulsion, the NoPhone offers the same overall feel as a smartphone – thus manufacturing the “tangible” effect we have come to so deeply depend upon – without actually offering any of the functions, features or operations a smartphone equips. While the science behind the NoPhone is somewhat concerning, the product doesn’t purport to be anything more than a bit of tongue-in-cheek fun to have with someone who clearly has a little too much love for their phone. Check out NoPhone and all its absolutely useless features here

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Date

November 25, 2016

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